Thursday, December 9, 2010

not for the squeamish

If you're squeamish, look away now or better still skim to the next post.

I was a good girl today and went and had my endometrial biopsy hurt 
and I still hurt and now it looks like I'm going to get two bleeds in one 
month!! yay! 

I never want to have one of those done again..ever. Just one look at the HUGE 
old fashioned metal needle for numbing my cervix and only sheer willpower kept 
me from jumping off the table, well that and the fact the gynecologist had my 
cervix clamped down to keep my uterus from moving, and I had no knickers on.

At this point my fears got the better of me and told the gyno that I was nervous 
and a bit scared of the procedure to come. He basically told me I should be 
thankful I was in Australia and not doomed to an early death from a terrible 
women's cancer in Peru or Vanuatu - which I suppose was the gynecological 
equivalent of, "Shut up, eat your dinner and think of all the starving children 
in Africa." - which is to say, not very comforting, or very helpful, or very 
sympathetic. I answered that that may be true, but such fears are rarely 
rational. He agreed and told me not to wince. It was then I noticed he was 
left-handed, which is one thing we have in common - him not having a womb to 
scrape or a cervix to clamp, which is a crying shame karma-wise.

After it was all over, he gave me a wad of tissues and told me to jump up 
quick-smart. Bleeding away, I grabbed my knickers and put them back on as he 
slapped the specimen container with all those pieces of my womb sloshing around 
right in front of me on his desk. I watched them swirl in a macabre dance as he 
wrote out the pathology slip and stuck it on the bottle. With a brief, "You'll 
be on the surgical waiting list a year. Goodbye." He made me carry my own pap 
smear slide and womb pieces out to the receptionist's desk. This lends greatly 
to my theory that all male gynecologists are misogynists not too deep inside.

And that was my afternoon. 

Good grief.

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